I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
