We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
