He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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