Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
