our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
