i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
