Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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