I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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