Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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