ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
