You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
