My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
