I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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