They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
