Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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