god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
