also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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