i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
