woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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