on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
