Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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