i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
