I will die if light touches me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize