Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
