I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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