I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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