Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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