Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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