she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
