How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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