it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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