there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Text me some of your sweat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
