They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
