You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We got so high we made milksteak
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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