actually, I'm a sock model
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
