How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
