if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
