I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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