I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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