see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
