When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
