I'm really into asian looking animals
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
