i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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