I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
