Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
