Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
