They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
