This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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