i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
