turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
