you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
