In the future we'll all be gay
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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