Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
