girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
