i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
