She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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