Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
