I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
