And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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