my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
