i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
