idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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