I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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