Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
