we're blogging at a bar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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