Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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