Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
