I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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