My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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