ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
