All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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