She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
