you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
