you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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