SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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