I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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