she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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