I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
