Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
