So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
