I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize