When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is classic penis vs brain.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
