the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize