i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
