Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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