Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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