You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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