Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
