a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
