So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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