At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
