my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
