There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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