so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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