don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
