Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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