If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize