she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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