3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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