When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
