just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
